The morning after
Is there really a way to chase away a night of one too many chasers?

BY JACOB SHAFER

Hangoverville—it’s a place no one wants to visit, but many do. The telltale signposts are unmistakable: the throbbing skull and aching joints; the is-the-room-spinning-or-is-it-just-me dizziness; the grumbling, upset stomach; the bloodshot eyes; the mouth that feels like it was stuffed overnight with glue-soaked cotton balls. The average stay doesn’t last more than a few hours, perhaps a day at the most, but that’s plenty long enough.

With the arrival of another college school year, a couple months of barbecuing weather left and the holidays right around the corner, lots of folks, whether they like it or not, are going to be punching a one-way ticket to that land of morning-after misery. And they’ll ask themselves: What can I do to never, ever wake up here again?

When it comes to “curing” hangovers, there are just about as many purported remedies out there (see sidebar) as there are drinks behind the bar. Ask almost anyone over the age of 21 and you’re likely to get suggestions from each for how you can bounce back after a night of overindulgence.

But what if we told you that the cure for what ails ya comes in a convenient little pill? What if you could walk down to your neighborhood Walgreens/RiteAid/Longs and buy, without a prescription, a remedy powerful enough to chase away that nasty feeling and leave you bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and ready to face the day?

Where do I sign up, right?

Well, not so fast, Sir Drinksalot. As a service to you, the consumer, we decided to test the viability of two leading brands of hangover cures, to determine whether they amount to a miracle fix, or just so much snake oil. We also got in touch with a medical expert to get his take on things (more on that later).

First, a few disclaimers. We do not endorse, nor do we recommend, habitual binge drinking. Imbibing large quantities of alcohol is bad for you—it says so right there on the bottle. Also, these remedies, whatever their merits, do not negate the dulling effects of alcohol on your reflexes and decision-making capabilities, nor do they lower your blood-alcohol level. In other words, drinking and driving: still a very bad idea. (As is the less physically dangerous but equally inadvisable practice of drinking and dialing your ex.) Lastly, while the companies whose products we tested have no qualms about marketing to 20-somethings and college students (clearly a key demographic), they stress—as do we—that it is illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to purchase or consume alcohol.

• • • •

BEFORE WE GO any further, let’s examine just what causes a hangover in the first place. The opinions of doctors and researchers on this subject differ slightly, and many say that because of the emphasis on alcohol addiction and its long-term effects, hangovers have been left shrouded in mystery. There are, however, a few key factors most experts agree upon.

The first, and perhaps most important, is dehydration. The ethanol in alcohol has a dehydrating effect on the body; some of the symptoms of dehydration include headache, dry mouth, dizziness and general fatigue—sound familiar?

The second factor involves, not surprisingly, the liver, which breaks down alcohol with the help of enzymes. These chemical reactions can temporarily impair the liver’s ability to conduct other important functions, including supplying glucose to the brain. This can lead to moodiness, inattention and an overall sense of malaise.

Scientists also believe that something called congeners—a toxic by-product of the fermentation process—can contribute to hangover symptoms. Because of their poisonous nature, congeners—which are more prevalent in dark alcohols like bourbon and red wine, vodka fans rejoice—can set off the release of cytokines, white blood cell molecules that fight off viruses in the body. This can trigger internal inflammation, and lead to that nasty, overall achy feeling often associated with the flu.

Finally, the body needs time to process alcohol—the more you drink, the longer this can take. Partying into the wee hours and then flopping into bed can lead to a night of restless, REM-free sleep as the body is “working too hard” to fully relax. Thus, many of the morning-after symptoms associated with heavy drinking can actually be attributed to sleep deprivation.

OK then. With that sobering bit of exposition out of the way, let’s get to our somewhat unscientific, but nonetheless informative, experiment.

Five subjects, two males and three females, were chosen, all semi-regular social drinkers in reasonably good health. Each was told to follow the products’ instructions and recommendations to the letter and to report back with a detailed account of his or her physical reaction. For the first round of testing, each subject was given a packet of Chaser brand pills.

Here’s what Chaser has to say about its “secret” hangover prevention formula on its Web site: “Chaser is made of specially processed calcium carbonate and charcoal. These two ingredients attract and absorb hangover-causing toxins and then safely pass them out of your system...Aspirin and other hangover remedies and old-fashioned hangover cures only dull the agony once you have a hangover. Chaser helps stop hangovers before they start!”

We’ll let our M.D. weigh in on the veracity of that statement later, but for now, we’re taking Chaser’s word for it. They claim that by swallowing two of their medium-sized, salmon-colored pills before a night of drinking, and then two subsequent pills after every four to six drinks, you’ll avoid a hangover.

The results of round one were mixed, to say the least. One of the female subjects reported a very successful experience. She said that after six drinks (a heavy night of imbibing by her standards) and four pills she woke up feeling almost completely normal, with no headache, very little fatigue and none of her usual stomach issues.

Another of the females reported that the pills were almost no help at all, though she admitted that she “mixed her poisons” liberally and that she drank a very large amount. One of the males also reported no change whatsoever—he woke up with the same crummy feeling as usual.

Meanwhile, one of the males and one of the females found that they noticed the effects, but didn’t like them. Both reported feeling almost “high” the next day, as though the pills were masking the hangover but replacing it with a strange, in some respects less desirable, feeling.

“I almost would have preferred the hangover,” said one of the subjects. “At least then I would have known what I was dealing with.”

For round two, Chaser’s line of specialty pills, Chaser Plus, was tested. These pills, which are yellow in color, claim on the box to “contain a special ingredient for wine sensitivity.” That ingredient is rhododendron, a flower extract. Again, we’ll get to the medical opinions later, but for the time being we’re taking Chaser’s claims at face value.

The wine pills fared better when tested by a trio of our subjects. All three reported feeling much more refreshed than usual the morning after, though one male did report that same strange, almost “high” sensation.

With the Chaser trials out of the way, our intrepid band of human guinea pigs moved on to the third and final round. This time, PartySmart brand pills were put to the test. PartySmart claims that its product not only helps stave off hangover symptoms, but also protects the liver from the damaging effects of alcohol. Its list of ingredients, like Chaser’s, is comprised mostly of hard-to-pronounce herbs and plant extracts.

On the box, PartySmart says that its “Research expertise [is] provided by The Himalayan Drug Company, a herbal pharmaceutical company founded in 1930.” Attempts to contact PartySmart and its research partner were unsuccessful.

Trials with the PartySmart pill—a large, blue-green gel capsule that is to be swallowed immediately before consuming your first drink—were conducted by two male subjects. (PartySmart did not supply us with enough pills for all members of the team to give them a go.) After a night of rather heavy drinking that began with wine and ended with whiskey, both subjects woke up feeling markedly better than usual, with only very minor symptoms. Both liked the fact that PartySmart had to be taken only once, rather than several times throughout the night. One of the subjects did note that the pill upset his stomach a bit at first and left a rather strange taste in his mouth.

So, at the end of the day, what’s the conclusion? Inconclusive. What we can say for sure is that no one had any horribly adverse reactions—so, seemingly, none of these products need to be approached with extreme caution. Take one of the aforementioned remedies and the worst case scenario is that you’ll wind up with a hangover, or perhaps that odd “high” instead. Best case scenario: You’ll bounce back in time to make that 8:30am class or sit through that boring board meeting without needing to rush off to the bathroom every 20 minutes.

• • • •

AS MENTIONED, THE medical community has not dedicated a whole lot of time and energy to the study of hangovers. Seen as one of the superfluous side effects of alcohol consumption, they’ve been shoved aside in the name of better understanding alcoholism, an affliction that affects an estimated 13 percent of Americans, according to a study by the American Council on Alcoholism.

“[Hangovers] are just not seen by many as all that important,” says Dr. Vic Miyamoto, a researcher who has dedicated the last 10 years of his career to the study of alcohol-related maladies. “Heart disease, cirrhosis—these are the areas that get attention.”

But Dr. Miyamoto adds that he thinks better understanding the science of hangovers has value, largely because so many man hours are lost or at least compromised each day (“Especially Mondays,” he says with a chuckle) because members of the workforce aren’t at their best after a night of drinking.

“Alcohol is a legal drug, and so studying ways to negate its harmful effects—both short-term and long-term—won’t meet with the same resistance as, say, trying to figure out how to help pot smokers improve their respiratory health,” he points out.

So what does Dr. Miyamoto make of companies like Chaser and PartySmart and the “cures” they peddle?

Before he answers the question, the doctor first acknowledges that he has never personally conducted any tests on the products in question, nor does he have contact with anyone who has. (In fact, it seems few if any independent tests have been done on the new wave of hangover-fighting concoctions. On its Web site, PartySmart claims that four separate, double-blind trials revealed the effective nature of its remedy. However, all the trials appear to have been funded or sponsored by the company itself.)

Regarding Chaser, which claims that its mixture of calcium carbonate and charcoal helps keep hangovers at bay, Dr. Miyamoto has this to say: “While it’s certainly possible this combination may absorb some alcohol before it enters the bloodstream, it seems unlikely to me that it would have a profound effect on hangover symptoms. Taking these would maybe be the equivalent of drinking a bit less, but probably not enough to have a big impact on physical well-being.” He adds that many of the herbal ingredients seem unnecessary, and may be added “just to make the product look more impressive.”

When told that Chaser claims its rhododendron additive helps specifically to offset wine headaches, Dr. Miyamoto says he is unaware of any study that conclusively proves, or even strongly suggests, this fact. But, he adds, there are many alternative and homeopathic remedies that may well be effective at treating various ailments, despite the fact that they have yet to gain traction in the Western medical community.

As for PartySmart, whose central claim is that its pills combat the harmful chemical acetaldehyde in the liver, Dr. Miyamoto is slightly less skeptical, though he still does not offer a ringing endorsement.

“[Acetaldehyde] is something that may well play a role in hangovers, and liver damage,” he says. “But whether the combination of ingredients in this particular product is effective at eradicating it, I can’t say.”

What Miyamoto does say about Chaser, PartySmart and their ilk is that the consumer should take their claims, like a shot of tequila, with a grain of salt.

“It’s possible some of what they say may be at least partially accurate,” he concedes. “And there’s also the placebo factor to consider—if you go to sleep believing you’ll wake up feeling great, maybe you’re more likely to wake up feeling great. But any product touting the miraculous healing power of herbs and extracts that have not been subjected to years of trial and analysis should be approached with some degree of caution and a healthy dose of skepticism.”

• • • •

WITH OUR FINAL round of testing completed and the results recorded, we took the last remaining packet of Chaser pills to San Rafael’s Fourth Street Tavern on a Friday evening. Not for a night of worry-free carousing, but to conduct one last experiment.

Spotting a man who looked like he’d dipped the beak one too many times stumbling toward the door, we approached him and handed him the stuff. Not surprisingly, he looked suspicious, and a bit startled.

“What are these?” he asked.

“They’re supposed to cure hangovers.”

He stared at the packet in his hand, as though pondering the possibilities.

“Do they work?”

“You’ll know in the morning.”

ILLUSTRATION BY MARK POUNTENIS

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I swear by it...

Pills like Chaser and PartySmart are new kids on the block in comparison to some tried and (questionably) true methods that have been employed by drinkers for generations. Walk into your neighborhood tavern and ask around for hangover remedies and you’ll likely find yourself flooded with suggestions — ranging from the seemingly sensible to the silly to the downright stupid.

Here’s a look at three of the most popular morning-after “fixes” and the prevailing medical opinions on their effectiveness (or lack thereof):

“The hair of that dog that bit ya”: The prescription is simple: Wake up from a night of hard drinking and...drink some more! Proponents of this tempting remedy claim that introducing a bit more alcohol into your system can help dull nasty side effects such as headache and fatigue while giving you time to recuperate.
Does it work?: If by “work” you mean “delay the inevitable,” then yes. While it might feel good for a moment, drinking more alcohol serves only to further tax the liver and dehydrate the body and, in the end, merely prolongs the agony.

Coffee and a big, greasy breakfast: Even if your stomach is a churning, gurgling mess, many say it’s a good idea to cram some food down your parched piehole—preferably greasy vittles like eggs and bacon, along with a steaming cup of Folgers’ finest.
Does it work?: Yes and no. Eggs contain large amounts of cysteine, a substance that combats the hangover-causing toxin acetaldehyde. Meanwhile, fruit like bananas and kiwis, while not greasy, are a wealth of electrolytes and potassium—good things for a body on the mend. Coffee, on the other hand, is a mixed bag. Caffeine can ease a pounding headache by acting as a vasoconstrictor, meaning it reduces the size of blood vessels. But coffee is also, like alcohol, a diuretic and can lead to increased dehydration.

Water and aspirin: Guzzling a big glass of H2O and tossing in a couple aspirin for good measure is perhaps the most common follow-up to an evening of intense imbibing.

Does it work?: Again, the results are mixed. Water is—duh—dehydration’s antidote, so drinking it before, during and after a session of boozing is an excellent idea. As for aspirin, while the little white painkillers can help temporarily relieve head and muscle aches, they may also upset an already testy tummy.

Of course, if none of these remedies works for you, you could always try some panaceas from overseas. According to a report by the BBC, Sicilians deal with too much vino by eating a dried bull’s penis, while in Puerto Rico folks rub half a lemon under their “drinking arm.” In Mongolia, a pickled sheep’s eye in tomato juice does the trick.

Or, you could fall back on the one surefire cure that every medical professional agrees upon: time.