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Feature: Nights of the demon alcohol
Can Marin put a cork in its sky-high rate of teen drinking?

by Ronnie Cohen

She played lacrosse for Drake High School's team, always did her homework and brought home a report card filled with A's and B's. At the same time, Chelsea Addelman says she drank almost daily. She drank right next to the Fairfax police station and bought alcohol from nearby convenience and liquor stores. She started drinking as an eighth-grader at White Hill Middle School and graduated to regular binge drinking during her junior year at Drake.

Public health officials define binge drinking as consuming five or more drinks in one sitting. Now a college-bound senior, Addelman recently told a group of parents, teachers and students gathered in the Redwood High School library to discuss ways to combat binge drinking that she habitually downed five drinks in 10 minutes. Easily. Like she was guzzling water.

Her hair colored blonde, her eyes lined in black, Addelman wore oversized silver hoop earrings and jeans tucked into brown suede high-heeled boots as she talked to the group about skipping lacrosse practice to get so drunk all she could do was go home and conk out.

She spoke with what appeared to be shock that she wound up on such a self-destructive path, and she conveyed a hint of what might have been residual excitement—the kind of excitement that could have propelled her misadventures with alcohol down the same track toward what some experts are calling a binge-drinking epidemic in Marin's top public high schools.

Binge drinking reached such epidemic proportions among local high school students a few years ago that one public health official called the area ground zero for the dangerous trend. A whopping 38 percent of 11th-grade students in the Tamalpais Union High School District reported binge drinking in the past 30 days in a 2005-06 survey. Among ninth-graders, 18 percent reported binge drinking in the 30 days before taking the same survey.

The binge-drinking rate in the district's five high schools—Drake, Redwood, Tamalpais, Tamiscal and San Andreas—was 15 percent higher than the rest of the state's 11th-graders and 6 percent higher than the rest of the state's ninth-graders. The rates were so high that the state gave the district a $1.125 million federal grant to try to reduce the them using a program dubbed "Be the Influence."

With teens suffering from acute-alcohol intoxication being admitted into area emergency rooms regularly and reports of kids chugging as many as 15 shots at a time, school and public health officials hoped to fill Redwood's library earlier this month, when they held the first in a series of town hall meetings intended to enlist parents in the fight to curtail high-risk drinking. But parents of only about 40 of Redwood High's 1,440 students showed up.

"I have to say I'm disappointed with the turnout," said Mary Jane Boyd, a nurse who directs Marin General Hospital's trauma program. "This is a huge problem."

She estimated that every year her emergency room admits more than 3,000 kids who misuse drugs and alcohol, many with blood-alcohol levels two to four times the legal driving limit. "There's a big leniency in our county. You make it available to them," she told the parents. "I can't tell you how many parents tell me, 'I thought if I bought it, and it was in my house, it was OK.'"

• • • •

IN THE WAKE of the 2005 drunk-driving deaths of two Novato teens—killed in a car accident after leaving a keg party celebrating a friend's 18th birthday—Marin cities and towns have adopted social-host laws to hold parents and others responsible for serving alcohol to underage guests. Since November 2006, when Marin County adopted its version of the law, the sheriff's office has cited 20 people for violating it.

Citations in the unincorporated areas of Marin County show a pattern of teens partying while their parents are out of town or out of the country, in their parents' vacant second homes and while their parents are home but asleep. Last summer, sheriff's deputies broke up two parties at rented houses in Dillon Beach. An 18-year-old girl rented one of the beach homes for a drinking party, which her mother attended. Another mother rented a beach house for her daughter's 16th birthday party. The birthday girl was so intoxicated that paramedics had to come to her aid.

Although deputies continue to respond to calls about social-host violations, the law seems to be having the desired deterrent effect, with violations becoming less frequent, Sgt. Debra Barry said.

Nevertheless, local high school students say that kids have easy access to alcohol; binge-drinking is the thing for some kids to do, and each drink can be another stripe on the badge of cool. Gen Malkin, a bubbly 17-year-old Redwood High junior, told the Redwood parents she knows teens who fill water bottles with vodka and stuff them into old handbags hidden in the backs of their closets.

"The social norm here is I'm not drunk enough until I'm feeling sick. I don't think people realize that you can die," Malkin said.

"People think you're cooler the more you drink," said Caroline Nguyen, a 17-year-old Redwood senior. "I don't think they realize the consequences."

"It's glorified," Addelman told the Redwood parents. On Monday mornings, she said, students brag: "You won't believe how much I drank this weekend."

• • • •

WHILE THE COUNTY'S high schools struggle to stem the high-risk drinking craze, college presidents throughout the nation, including Joseph Fink, president of Dominican University in San Rafael, are calling for debate about lowering the drinking age. So many students wind up on their campuses suddenly freed from their parents' grip and ready to party with liquor that some university presidents believe the just-say-no campaign has failed.

Fink recently threw his support behind the Amethyst Initiative, a measure college and university presidents wrote last year urging discussion about alternative approaches—including lowering the drinking age—to dealing with underage and binge drinking. So far, 135 college chancellors and presidents have signed the controversial initiative.

"I'm generally concerned that we're in a society that glorifies drinking," Fink said. "The mere fact of saying you can't drink till you're 21 is not working. You can quote all the statistics you want, but no one knows how to control this."

Opponents of the Amethyst Initiative attack it as a simplistic solution to a complex problem. They say it ignores scientific research underscoring the benefits of the minimum drinking age being 21. Larry Meredith, director of Marin County Health and Human Services, responded to Fink's support for the Amethyst Initiative by writing an editorial stressing the importance of maintaining the current minimum drinking age. Meredith, whose administration banned beer ads from the Marin County Fair, cited National Highway Traffic Safety Administration research showing the number of fatal crashes by drunk drivers under 21 dropped 61 percent in 16 years following adoption of the national drinking age. Meredith also cited research showing that alcohol can damage rapidly changing adolescent brains.

In 1984, President Ronald Reagan signed a law that threatened to take away federal highway funds from states that set the drinking age below 21. By 1988, all 50 states had adopted 21 as the minimum drinking age. Recently, some state legislatures have discussed lowering the drinking age. Lawmakers have questioned the wisdom of allowing 18-year-olds to vote and fight in wars while barring them from drinking.

In a telephone interview, Fink insisted that he is not advocating lowering the drinking age. Rather, he said, he wants to open debate about the issue.

"To me, 21 is an arbitrary cutoff. It's not backed by any real science," he said.

Before arriving at Dominican, students must take an online alcohol-education class. The university recently surveyed the student body to gauge the impact of the class on the behavior of its 2,100 students. Survey results are not yet available. But John Kennedy, Dominican's dean of students, found the local high school binge-drinking rates shocking and does not expect his campus rates to be anywhere near as high. The last time Dominican surveyed its students, around five years ago, he said 41.5 percent reported never drinking and 5.7 percent reported having 10 or more drinks a week.

"We're talking about a cultural change that's necessary," Fink said. "There needs to be a comprehensive national dialogue about alcohol consumption, not just for college students but for all young people, and a better understanding of how to increase parental and community involvement in alcohol education. This isn't a high school issue. It's not a college issue. It's a complete across-the-board issue."

• • • •

NO ONE WOULD argue that high-risk drinking touches people of every age and class in Marin County. In fact, Gary Najarian, the county's drug and alcohol prevention coordinator and one of the leads on the Tamalpais district's anti-binge-drinking grant, blames part of the local drinking problem on adult modeling.

"Young people binge drink because that's exactly what adults model," Najarian told the parents at the Redwood event. "Wine and alcohol make everything better, and that message is being communicated to young people. Hard day at work, gonna kick back with a glass of wine."

Sylvie Zolezzi, whose son is a Redwood senior, attended the town hall meeting hoping to learn more about how to talk to her son so that he would act responsibly. "My great worry is my son is a senior," she said during the meeting. "He's going to go to college. What can we do to teach them and make them understand how bad this is for them?"

Afterward, Zolezzi said she grew up in France, where alcohol was available to her as a child, but it held no appeal.

"For special celebrations, my parents would put a finger of wine in my glass. For me, it was not this forbidden thing, but it was not like they were getting me drunk." It's sad, she said, that she sees young people here who believe they must drink to excess to have fun. She took issue with the emergency room trauma director who said she throws an alcohol-free poker party once a month in her home to show her children that adults can enjoy themselves without liquor. Zolezzi does not believe adults should have to restrict their own drinking to make a point with teens.

"I think the answer is to drink responsibly," she said. "I hated cigarettes, but it was forbidden, and I was doing it in secret. There's definitely an argument in favor of taking away that whole aura of the forbidden fruit, doing it in moderation rather than having to get drunk in an hour in secret."

• • • •

MARY JANE BURKE, Marin County superintendent of schools and a member of Dominican's board of trustees, disagrees that lowering the drinking age or stripping alcohol of its forbidden-fruit aura will stop kids from binge drinking. "I wish it was that easy," she said.

Though she wants to maintain the current minimum drinking age, Burke said she welcomes dialogue about the issue. "What can families do, what can the community do, the schools do, to keep our kids safe? How do you help a young person make good decisions? You help them, but in the event decisions are made that are not good decisions, there are consequences."

The first step in turning back the tide of high-risk drinking, she said, is recognizing and naming the problem. The Tamalpais school district has done just that. The district is working with county public health officials and the nonprofit Youth Leadership Institute to figure out ways to have high school students and their parents fashion a healthier future.

In the second year of the five-year grant, program leaders plan to have students reach out to other students and parents reach out to other parents to prevent binge drinking. The ultimate goal of the grant is to change the social mores so that drinking until you puke no longer seems like the way to score points with the popular crowd.

Spencer Shubert, an 18-year-old Redwood senior involved in the Be the Influence campaign, links high-risk drinking with social norms he would like to change and sees lowering the drinking age as counterproductive. "The high rate of binge drinking in the Tam district is not a result of bad policy, but rather of negative social norms," he said. "Lowering the drinking age will encourage younger people to drink. Today it is the 18-year-old seeing his 21-year-old brother drink. If the drinking age is lowered, then tomorrow it will be the 15-year-old seeing his 18-year-old brother drink.

"What's more is the greater fact that a decrease in the drinking age will push the alcoholic beverage industry to begin targeting younger and younger people."

David Sheff lives in Inverness and wrote Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction. He sees no benefit in lowering the drinking age. "Whether it's 18 or 21, I don't think the laws have any effect whatsoever on what kids are doing," he said.

"I think the real issue is what's going on in these kids' lives, the stresses and the cultural influences. At 12, they're having to fill out their resumes for colleges. Maybe if we could help them in other ways regulate the stresses. We have to approach it from one question, which is—why? We have to help kids face the whys. They're medicating themselves. They're trying not to feel the anxiety, the anguish, the fear. There's this incredible excitement and fear of growing up. I think that is really what's behind a lot of it."

Sheff said his son, Nic, who graduated from high school in Marin in 2000 and wrote his own account of his addiction in a book called Tweak: Growing up on Methamphetamines, described feeling like a Martian as a teenager.

Like Chelsea Addelman, Nic Sheff maintained his grades and his friends, making it harder for his family to recognize warning signs.

"When I was drinking heavily, I hid it really well," Addelman said. "People would have no idea. I was staying on my lacrosse team, meeting my parents' expectations at school."

Last year, Addelman went through a residential alcohol-treatment program. At first furious with her parents for sending her to rehab, Chelsea said she now feels intensely grateful.

"You've gotta dig a little and make sure everything's OK," she told the parents. "Realize that your kid might look perfect, but a lot of them are experimenting with alcohol. It's important to spread the word and let your teens know it's not OK."

Contact Ronnie Cohen at ronniecohen@comcast.net.

Posted by P Slater, a resident of the San Rafael neighborhood, on Mar 19, 2009 at 6:16 pm

I am a Marin native who grew up here as a child, went to Dominican and lives in San Rafael as an adult in my early 40's. While the article is interesting there are some observations that I would like to make.

First is what is the cause of binge drinking other than having the alcohol? My opinion of this is that Marin, while a fantastic place to live and raise a family is one of the dullest places on earth as a teenager. This was true in the 70's and 80's for my older brother and I as the only interesting spot was CalSkate in Cotati. Unless the teen has an active community involvement, no not religious groups commented on later, or sporting events or a geek with LAN fest weekends, there really is not a lot to do or places to hang out. Think about what good things a teenager would want to do and does this county have those options? Novato, where I grew up, really has very little for the two high schools.

Alchohol vs. drugs: It is going to happen especially in this county. It has a reputation for a long time as being 'drug friendly' "Pill Vallium" as a name of Mill Valley? I remember seeing standard dope deals in Junior High to the point where it was probably easier to score a dime bag than a six pack. Alcohol is tougher to come by.

Attitudes on alcohol: I have been drinking since I was 14 but was taught how to drink: the occasional beer with dad in the garage, wine with dinner and the like was normal. This was odd with my friends that came over and dad would toss me a beer and ask my friend if he wanted one as well. ahhh beer the nectar of the gods as my dad says. I plan to make sure that when I have kids that they learn the casual enjoyment of alcohol and not the blocking of it that makes them want to rebel.

Drinking at Dominican: My partners and I at Dominican did a survey on drinking for a statistics class. The results are pretty much in line with those posted from the best of my recollection. However, there were definite spikes pointing at binge drinkers as there were a number that only drank two days a week and in excess of six units of alcohol per day. Funniest thing was that those who tended to drink and party the hardest were those from strict religious upbringings rebelling against the controls of their youth. Ask my ex-wife! Also those that had some of the hardest parties were the 'religious retreat' groups again rebelling. Ask my ex-girlfriends!

Legal age: I am lucky in that I spent a summer in England at 17 and toured the various pubs and beers. Plus my stint in the military had me in Korea where I could buy up to either 4 bottles of hard alcohol or 6 cases of beer or go off base to the local bars and drink. Yes, I did have my occasional youth against me on the occasional binge but for the most part it was just a casual go out, socialize and have a few beers. I think that prohibition of alcohol in part can cause binge drinking (drink'em if you gottem) but it is more about social attitude. Personally I think that the drinking age for beer and wine should be 18 with hard alcohol at 21. Society needs to teach responsible drinking as a whole rather than leaving it to the various inadequacies of parents in doing the right thing.

However, I am concerned about binge drinking as even the relaxation of the drinking age cannot prevent this issue. In reading BBC news there are a number of articles talking about the issue of binge drinking even though their laws allow for younger drinkers. This makes the issue a society problem and not a youth specific issue.

Well time to continue drinking my Chimay...all thing in moderation.

Posted by Barbara Addleman, a resident of the San Anselmo neighborhood, on Mar 23, 2009 at 11:21 am

I am Chelsea's mom the high school senior who was featured in this article. First I will say that we as a family are not particularly pleased that her full name was used. Even though she speaks openly at forums such as high schools we did not intend to tell the entire county about the details of her struggles. We would have preferred to talk about it at various venues when when we felt ready to do so.

As her mom I need to say that this journey was unimaginably harrowing.

People must have alot of questions. How did i miss the signs, was I lenient or too strict, did I condone her drinkng? First I absolutley did not condone her drinking at parties or in our home. I was a parent for as long as possible wanted to know if the homes she went to had a parent at home. I was vigilante but not overly strict at least not until i began to suspect a problem. I then no longer allowed her to sleep at friends grounded her if i thought she had been drinking and sought help although I was unsure what would help. Its true. My daughter was very good at covering up the extent of her problem. I thought I was smart and on top of things, but she was even smarter. She knew what she needed to say and do to lessen suspicion that that she indeed was on an incredibly destructive path.

I hope this article is an eye opener to families who are trying to sort out normal teenage behavior and behavior that needs attention and action right away.

l

Posted by anon, a resident of the Mill Valley neighborhood, on Mar 23, 2009 at 5:37 pm

As a parent, I would have requested annonymity within the article if I had been you. But that's me. You see I use the name "anon". I'm aware of how nice it is to be able to keep certain personal information out of public forums, yet state my views.

I give your daughter a ton of credit. She is a brave and strong girl to get out there and talk about this issue.

It's tough because you're either born with an addictive personality or you're not. For those who are, addiction could end up being a lifelong struggle. Those who aren't are forturnate because they can walk away from drugs and/or alcohol whenever they choose.

I agree that it is crucial to keep young kids in junior high and high school busy. That was an excellent point that the second letter written by P Slater makes.

But most importantly, it is the parents responsibility to step in and be involved. They need to know what's going on. It also helps if alcohol is not kept in the house.

I grew up with a father who was an alcoholic. In hindsight, I remember there was never any alcohol in our home. But I also remember that my father was hardly ever home, so I guess he spent a fair amount of time at the bars. He's gone now. He died in 1980.

I think all parents should be frank with kids and tell them what drinking and drugs will do to their livers, their brains and, ultimately, their bodies. Our liver and kidneys don't just have to filter out alcohol, they also filter out sodas, coffee, etc.

Kids should see pictures of what organs look like after excessive drinking. The more they know, the better it will be.

My mother never showed us any of that stuff, but we did get the classic "educational" films in school and, over time, you did learn about it at college, etc. She was kind, but firm. THAT is important.

I think it's crucial to stress to kids that there will be PLENTY of time to wait until they are older before they're tempted to get into all of that crap. They need to know that when they go away to school there's that famous "freshman 10" in pounds that is typically put on after many visits to the college pubs and many rounds of beer and shots and they need to know that it's fine to walk away from it.

Most of all they need to know that.

I haven't read the whole article yet, but my hat's off to this young lady and I wish her all the best in the future.

Posted by sally bowles, a member of the Tamalpais High School community, on Mar 24, 2009 at 7:05 pm

I just finished reading this article (after finding the cover art particularly amusing)...

I actually participated in the 05/06 drinking survey mentioned in the article, and what's more, i would have been one classified as a 'binge drinker.' My best friend, who was a year older, would spend most weekends somewhat blitzed. We took pride in our ox like tolerances, and joked about pickling our livers.

I don't think ignorance is the problem. Kids are aware of what drinking can do to them. They know what smoking will do to them, but you could probably find handfuls of them in secluded areas just outside the campus between classes.

My similarly minded peers and I seemed to have near nihilistic mindsets concerning self destructive habits. Seeming to accept eventual death, without actually realizing it. I mean, it's not like it killed us then right? Even when someone else got grounded, suspended, arrested, trashed their car...it never felt as though repercussions applied to you. Until, of course, they did.

My friend and I drank for a myriad of reasons. He didn't call. He called too much and now it's time to break it off. To escape the pressures of school, or estrangement from parents. There's nothing better to do, this county is boring as hell and it's Friday.

I don't think being a stricter parent is the answer. Some of the biggest party animals I knew had strict parents and took ANY opportunity to smoke a bowl or take a shot, cause it was the only time they could get out of the house.

However, on the other side of the spectrum, leniency isn't the answer either. If your kid's drinking your hooch at your house they're still drinking. What's more, you're telling them that you're cool with it. I understand that if they're going to do it, you might as well keep and eye on them and make sure they're safe, but it may confuse parent-offspring boundaries. Your kids have friends, but you're the only parents in their lives.

I know I'm not a parent, and I don't want to tell anyone how to raise their kids, but being somewhat fresh from the high school experience, if I were to give some advice on the subject, I guess it'd go as follows:

Let your kids have a beer on wine with dinner, on the condition it stays in the house, at the dinner table, or with you. Not enough to get them hammered, but it'll give them a sense of adulthood and maturity without having to pump their stomachs later.

Don't make them feel like academic race horses. I know higher education is the key to better paying jobs and a chance at luxury, but what happened to asking your kids what they want to be when they grow up? Most likely, they won't know right off the bat, but don't stop asking. Let them know their future isn't about numbers and resumes. It's about them.

Make sure you know your kids. Make sure they don't become strangers who live in your house. Everyone knows their kids, but how many secrets (little or not) did you have when you were their age? It's important that little secrets don't become huge surprises later. You don't have to hound them for information or keep files on their friends, just let them know they can talk to you. Maybe tell them a few things about your day and ask about theirs and let them know you're not there to judge and punish them.

Posted by Pam, a resident of the San Rafael neighborhood, on Mar 26, 2009 at 10:22 am

There is lots of new scientific information teen brain development that indicates brains continue developing into the early 20s and that alcohol use can have serious immediate and longer term effects. Dr. Wilke Wilson from Duke has spoken about this at Marin high schools.

Here's a good study: Web Link

Here are a couple of short excerpts with much more easily available on the internet.

(CBS) Teens and alcohol can be a deadly combination. But CBS News correspondent Elizabeth Kaledin reports that a new study shows that teens who indulge in binge drinking may be paying a heavy price.

"I think teenagers view alcohol — and I certainly did — as something that's very glamorous," says Toren Volkmann. The 26-year-old is now a recovering alcoholic — and he realizes there was nothing glamorous about it.

In fact, a mounting body of scientific evidence is showing that young drinkers like Volkmann may be damaging their brains.

"Heavy drinking during the teen years can exact a toll long that lasts long after the buzz wears off," says Dr. Aaron White of the Duke University Medical Center.

Researchers like White say studies now confirm that the delicate, developing teenage brain is much more susceptible than the adult brain to the toxic effects of alcohol.

"The brain is developing during adolescence," White says. "Whenever a brain is developing, it's vulnerable to the disruptive effects of alcohol. Pregnant women don't drink for that reason."

Studies show that disruption causes problems with important cognitive skills like attention, learning and memory.

"Adolescence is the most important period of life for learning," White says. "It's not the time you want to be blocking the ability of the brain to change with experience — and that's exactly what alcohol does."

Volkmann admits his memory is not very sharp. But he was thinking clearly enough to sit down with his mother and write a book together about his experience as a teenage drinker. He hopes his story will be the ultimate cautionary tale to any teenager who thinks drinking is just harmless good fun.

"I think the average family does not understand the true realities of addiction and the propensity for anyone to become addicted," he says. "It starts at a young age. That's definitely what definitely caught us off guard."

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Mounting evidence shows that the still-maturing teenage brain is particularly susceptible to damage from heavy drinking, according to a report published Monday.

A number of recent studies have shown that teenagers who abuse alcohol have problems with memory, learning and other brain functions compared with their peers, while animal research suggests such effects could last into adulthood.

Such research, coming from a number of scientific areas, is making it more and more clear that the teenage brain is particularly vulnerable to the damaging effects of alcohol, according to Dr. Peter M. Monti of Brown University in Providence. Rhode Island.

Monti helped organize a recent symposium of the Research Society on Alcoholism held in Vancouver, Canada. The new report, published in the journal Alcohol: Clinical and Experimental Research, summarizes research presented at the meeting.

Some of the findings come from research using functional MRI to image brain activity in teenagers with drinking problems and those without. In one study, boys and girls with alcohol use disorders -- which refers to both alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence -- showed greater brain activity than other adolescents during a memory test, though test scores were similar in both groups.

A different pattern emerged when women ages 18 to 25 took the same test. Compared with others their age, young women who'd had an alcohol problem since adolescence showed less brain activity during the memory task and had a poorer performance.

The findings, according to the researchers, suggest that in the early stages of an alcohol use disorder, the brain may try to compensate by "recruiting" additional neurons to perform a given task. But if the drinking continues into young adulthood, the damage to brain cells may grow and become too much for the brain to overcome.

Posted by anon, a resident of the Mill Valley neighborhood, on Mar 26, 2009 at 10:39 am

I have read the article. The cover art, while amusing, is rather flippant.

This is not an amusing subject. And Ms. Bowles, you're clearly an addictive personality to the point of being proud of it. And since it's who you are and you're happy with yourself, it's just as well.

I don't share your glib opinions on this subject, at all. I think alcoholism ruins lives and kills people off too quickly and if it doesn't do that, then they end up in dialysis for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes I even drank for the same lame reasons you did. But I knew when to stop.

Good parenting is essential and just from knowing what the older generation is like here in Marin, I don't imagine there were too many parents into "parenting". I would imagine many parents around here probably hosted parties for their high school aged kids where they could bring their friends to and drink all they wanted and probably smoke all they wanted.

I would never let me "kids" have wine or beer at the table with dinner. If they were at college, then maybe a glass of wine at a holiday dinner gathering would be fine. But never to high school aged kids.

I do agree with your opinion about not putting so much pressure on kids academically. Pressure leads to the need for rebellious outlets. I agree with that.

I agree with your last paragraph. Parents should be on top of everything that's happening with their children. If I were a parent, I'd be wanting to know about everything as well as giving my kids insight into everything they want to know.

You hear about kids these days who keep the "Do Not Disturb" signs on their bedroom doors. Some parents actually honor this. I do agree that kids and teens need their privacy to a point, but parents should be able to walk into their kid's or teenager's rooms and find out about what's going on in their lives whenever they want.

Posted by barbara addleman, a resident of the San Anselmo neighborhood, on Mar 26, 2009 at 1:35 pm

As the week has progressed I have learned more about how this article came about. I am more disturbed than I was orginally. It has come to my attention that my daughter had no idea that there was a reporter in the audience when she spoke so candidly to parents and students at Redwood High. This has been extremely upsetting to her as she has now has told her story to the entire community without the knowledge that she was doing so. I wonder about the lack of sensitivity that was shown to a young women who is trying to make a difference. She has now lost some trust and I guess has also learned a hard lesson .

Posted by anon, a resident of the Mill Valley neighborhood, on Mar 26, 2009 at 2:40 pm

I hope I haven't offended you with any of my letters.

I do give your daughter a lot of credit.

The trouble with public speaking is that you can never be sure that press won't be in the audience, unless you ask the people at the door to screen attendees.

I think that the initial article treated your daughter with respect. The cover art kind of made light of it but it was meant to catch the reader's eye.

I personally have all the respect in the world for this subject and I think this might be the last letter I'll write because I get the feeling you'd like to close the subject.

I suppose there are many of us who want to relate and want to give our views. But I won't write anymore and I wish you and your family all the best.

Posted by barbara addleman, a resident of the San Anselmo neighborhood, on Mar 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm

To the woman above- No you have not offended me at all. I appreciate your comments. That wasn't upsetting at all. It was supportive and honest. Thanks for your kind words. I too am very proud of my daughter

Posted by Bouncing Betty, a resident of the San Rafael neighborhood, on Mar 26, 2009 at 4:46 pm

I thought Ms. Boyles made some valid points.

I never got drunk in high school. Not a single time. I avoided the kids who did. I might have been a complete dork compared to all the "cool" kids, but I can tell you that in our household, even the kids drank a little bit of wine on special occasions. I didn't grow up believing that alcohol was something you consumed to get drunk. I was around plenty of adults who drank wine and beer without getting drunk. So when I learned that's what kids were doing in high school, I thought they were missing the point.

There's a difference between getting drunk and drinking. Adults who get drunk regularly have a problem, too.

Posted by Marinite, a resident of the Muir Beach neighborhood, on Mar 29, 2009 at 11:55 am

As a 24 year old and lifetime resident of Muir Beach, I grew up fast with alcohol and drugs, because it was sooo prevalent. There was a general lack of concern, in my experience, with the seriousness of drinking/drugs and its consequences, in many of the local schools. Also, a lack of parental control is a major concern. I had friends whose parents not only provided alcohol for every one of their kid's friends on a regular basis, but quite a few also grew and smoked pot WITH their kid and their friends. Many parents, in general, in Marin, are: narcissistic, lazy and uninvolved, which is clear in younger children in grocery stores and restaurants etc... who are allowed to run around, knock things over, trash these places, SCREAM in nice restaurants - its really appalling. And, I think the worst is when there is a responsible parent whose innocent kid is blamed for these rude, disgusting behaviors. These misbehaving children grow up trying to get their parent's attention, turning into mischievous teens = drinking/drugs. And, in my experience, money is not an issue in this area, so many obtain/do pretty much every drug you can think of:

Alcohol, pot, Cocaine... (easy to get in any school)

Oxyconton, Vicodin...(from parent's medicine cabinets either stolen and sold, or just stolen and used, prescribed after sports injuries etc…= easy to get)

Adderall, Ritalin...(often prescribed to these same kids for ADD and ADHD, well, when you crush it and snort it, it basically turns into a stimulant, with similar affects to cocaine, and often used in college- level kids to help students stay up all night after partying too hard so they can finish their homework)

As one of the younger participants on this forum, I can tell you first hand HOW BORING MARIN IS. I love Marin, but there is NOTHING TO DO HERE, especially if you are under 21.

I agree that with a crack down and a greater emphasis in drug education, but someone also needs to provide a release for that teenage energy, somewhere else. For those still-non-believers, here is a breakdown of the county's activities if you are under 21:

Coastal Marin: Bonfire on the beach until Park Rangers kick you off around 8-9 PM...then what- its only 9 PM? =drugs/alcohol

Mill Valley: cops are often strict about curfew, so house parties are popular - if you can find someone with "cool parents"- After a teen has done this every weekend for 1 month (max.), they get bored = drinking/drugs

Corte Madera/Tiburon/Sausalito/Larkspur: Restaurants are the only thing open past about 10 PM ( I think Cheesecake Factory is open until 12 AM on Weekends, and lets not forget Denny's) =drugs/alcohol

San Rafael: Movies at Northgate until late, Bowling until about 9PM and the pool hall until about 10 PM -sketchy people, expensive, and boring if done EVERY WEEKEND = drinking/drugs

Novato: I'm less familiar with this area, but I assume there is also a limited amount of activities, as others have stated.

My mother is career law enforcement in SF and I believe that she handled these issues well with me:

First, she told me (I hope half-kiddingly) she would murder me with a dull knife if she ever found out I did any drugs (what she doesn't know won't hurt her),but I got the idea - sort of a scared- straight tactic. Second, having a very European relaxed view on alcohol, I was allowed to have a VERY little glass of wine with my parents at dinner. Every friend of mine that was over for dinner, my mother would call their parents and ask if it was OK if they had a little wine. All of my friend’s parents were OK with that…

When I attended freshman year in college, I went to a small school in the Northeast and was part of a “first year program” of about 50 students from all over the US that I went to class AND lived with AND knew very well. (read this and weep:) Of those students, and popularly in most populations of current college students: EVERY SINGLE STUDENT THAT WAS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ALCOHOL (EVEN IN MODERATION WITH THEIR PARENTS) PREVIOUS TO ATTENDING COLLEGE, WAS SENT TO THE HOSPITAL FOR ALCOHOL POISOINING WITHIN THE FIRST YEAR. These kids need to experience these situations in controlled environments with responsible people, before they are making bad decisions with peers in a volatile atmosphere, where a lot of bad can happen really fast.

In the meantime in Marin: we need to establish a teen club, lounge or cool place to hang out until 12 AM – that would suffice, but better by 2AM – more realistic. This place should have things to keep these kids busy for hours and should be ever-changing with: Music, food, non alcoholic drinks, late night movies, games, dress-up nights, Bday parties with cool nightclub themes etc…along with VERY TIGHT SECURITY. However, let’s keep this a Marin thing. No offense to more- Nothern Bay, and East Bay kids, but in my experience, generally when they come to a party, things get really bad, really fast with drugs, alcohol and violence . How about one of the old car dealerships that recently went under in San Rafael? Parking, away from residences, central location….

Posted by anon, a resident of the Mill Valley neighborhood, on Mar 30, 2009 at 9:21 am

Children of hippies. The generation of the 60's is the generation that stopped caring, stopped giving respect and teaching it to their offspring and felt the world owed them the rest.

That's my experience.

People out here in Marin should realize how great they have it, even if you're not in the upper eschelon of the big bucks, even if you're poor, you're still in a beautiful area.

I'm from the midwest and I got into a conversation with a GGT bus driver the other day who's from the east coast and he pointed out something which I felt was so right on.

His observation was this; people out here tend to put on a facade of being so nice, kind and sweet to everyone, to the point of co-dependency even. But no one is really "real". In his experience he has found that underneath it all, there's a dark underlying persona in most of these Marinites. They're not really genuine.

All I have noticed is that the current "younger" generation, most people in their 30's and younger, tend to be vapid at best. Non-reactive.

Although, thank God, I'm now starting to see high schoolers give more respect to people (bus drivers for example).

Anyway, most adults you'll meet these days have tried drugs at some point and still drink. Quitting drugs is non-negotiable. But social drinking; drinking in moderation or, in the end, teetotaling is the best.

Posted by Pam, a resident of the San Rafael neighborhood, on Mar 31, 2009 at 9:56 am

This whole thread is very interesting and enlightening with lots of good advice from people who were recently teens in Marin. The one part I don't accept is the theme that there's "nothing to do in this county".

Do they think that there are other places with lots more to do? We have endless sports for kids, arts, music lessons, great theater - films and stage, the best outdoor hiking, lectures, musical performances, tons of clubs at schools. I raised two kids here and their issues as teens were always that there were many more things to do than they had time for. Of course they had very little TV growing up so didn't suffer from short attention spans and learned early on about creative ways to entertain themselves and play with friends. I don't think it's lack of stuff in the external world that's the problem so much as parents who leave their kids in front of the tube when they are young and don't help them find creative ways to entertain themselves.

Posted by Marinite, a resident of the Muir Beach neighborhood, on Apr 4, 2009 at 8:10 pm

“Anon”:

You are right. Hippies and Vapidness. (I love that word-it’s just perfect). These young blond girls, the same ones that almost kill you on the highway, driving a $100K car, don’t understand how to spend money and I think many Marin parents just throw money at their kids to “occupy” them. These kids are “neglected” in a sense, resulting in a kind of "lack of substance" and therefore, a lack of moral fiber. There are no rules here, because they have been taught that money gets you out of anything. There is no fear of authority; getting a DUI is considered cool b/c everyone is getting them. These same kids often have no one around, and if they do, these parents are not being great moral guides, themselves; hence, doing drugs with their kids. So, when these same kids discover drinking and drugs, they “ask for help” a lot, which usually means they get into trouble.

"Pam":

"We have endless sports for kids, arts, music lessons, great theater - films and stage, the best outdoor hiking, lectures, musical performances, tons of clubs at schools..."

Your kids must be very accomplished academically, musically and in the arts/theater, but they are atypical, especially in today's society. They are just not the norm and that is an unrealistic view of the average teen, as well as, underage social activities in Marin.

No disrespect, I don't want this to seem like a personal attack, but for all the parents who think that Marin is "full of things kids can do", I am passionate about this: THERE ARE NOT THINGS TO DO HERE - those activities are great if you are over 50, under 50, just NO. I can't help but think that this is why we have so many problems getting things that can keep teenagers interested with things THEY want to do in Marin - parents, and the people in control of Marin social activities have unrealistic experiences and/or ideas that teens want things like music lessons and lectures.

My background: I have successfully obtained a Sociology degree from a top school on the East coast. I sing, ride horses, I substitute teach at a local high school (so I am around teenagers all day, every day) and attend school, and in fact, this was pretty much my life in high school (minus the upper level biology courses!), except I am legal. And, even being legal, I have to go to SF to socialize because I have been to the Brew co., Mayflower, Nickel Rose... so many times I could cry. This is virtually the same situation for underage teens:

The last thing any of my friends and I would want to do on a weekend in high school is anything remotely educational, physical and/or to do with high school. I think kids are pushed into after-school activities and sports by some good-meaning parents, but so many more lazy/opportunistic parents looking for a few more hours they can keep their kids busy, or another bullet point on their kid’s college resume. In high school, this was my personal schedule everyday, and was very similar to many of my friend’s: I was in school until 3, then had a horse riding lesson until 5, often had singing lessons 6-7, then homework until about 10 or 11, then go to bed and do it all again. On a schedule like that, where is the time for teenagers to be teenagers? Talk on the phone, watch TV etc...?

The solution:

I attended school in upstate NY in a VERY small and VERY low income area. Again, drinking was a huge problem b/c there was nothing to do except a couple of bars, and bowling. When I was a junior, my University built a student center that was basically a giant common room; admittance was free. We had a HUGE big screen projection system that would play 3 or 4 just- released movies a day at different times, chosen by a student committee. Certain days a week, we would have student bands and DJ’s and everyone would dance, basically turning it into a nightclub (which teens want to be a part of, b/c that’s what they see their favorite celebrities doing on the weekends). We had a mechanical bull (soooo successful) and a real, live ghost hunter that lead us on campus ghost hunts. We had midnight breakfasts and dress up nights (60's, 70's, 80's and casino nights....) All with awards and inexpensive, ever changing decorations...drinking and drug use dropped SIGNIFICANTLY on campus as a result.

I love Marin, but I don’t think this problem will end until we have a place and time where teenagers can be teenagers...

Posted by Marinite, a resident of the Muir Beach neighborhood, on Apr 4, 2009 at 8:26 pm

PS. I see 2 situations that are leading to these problems with alcohol and drugs: 1) lack of parental control with younger kids that leads to drinking and drugs later, and 2) the kids that are already involved in this lifestyle and behavior. Since we can't raid those parent's houses and force them to raise their kids a certain way, the only way we can change the status quo, is to provide a change in behavior in the younger kids starting out in these behaviors and then the older ones, who have been engaged for a while. Where we can make a difference: help provide a place and time to help them direct and focus their energy on a more productive pathway...

Posted by BArbara Addleman, a resident of the San Anselmo neighborhood, on Jul 23, 2009 at 11:16 pm

The comments above are all well taken but one very crucial point seems to be missed. Addiction is not necessarily a result of lenient or strict parenting or of households who pay little attention to their kids. My daughter and many others like her were raised with alot of love, and evenhandedness (not too lenient or too strict). We are not wealthy and do not spend frivolously and we never condoned drinking by our teenage daughter at our home and did what we could to keep her from drinking outside the home. Still, she developed a drug and alcohol problem. She did end up at parties like many others who did not develop a problem. I believe it is a gentic problem and that she was predisposed to addiction. To look at teen drinking and drug use as beng a result of bad parenting I believe is shortsighted. I personally know many teens whose parents were basically absentee - these teens for the most part do not have adddiction issues.