Rick Polito is on vacation and will return next week. Meanwhile, here's a classic That TV Guy from this week in 1973!

==Bi FRIDAY, MAY 8==
The Brady Bunch Mrs. Brady has Marcia fitted for a diaphragm after she finds a Barry White album in Greg's swingin' attic pad. ABC. 8pm.

The Six Million Dollar Man Steve Austin is crushed when somebody tells him he's been running in slow motion the whole time. Then he spends the weekend on the couch waiting for his bionic eye's new operating program to download on a 2K modem. ABC. 8:30pm.

The Dean Martin Show Dean and Joey Bishop face off in a hilarious sexual harassment suit with an un-named Goldigger dancer. NBC. 10pm.

Love, American Style Segments tonight include a couple's wacky misunderstanding with a man who keeps talking about some crazy idea he calls "safe sex." ABC. 10pm.

Saturday, May 10
Emergency Paramedics Gage and Desoto respond to an injury at a key party when a woman's platform heels catch on another dancer's cuffed bell bottoms and they both fall into a conversation pit and suffer allergic reactions to the shag carpet and spilled wine coolers. NBC. 8pm.

All in the Family Archie is enraged when he catches Edith listening to NPR; he then takes a paternal interest in the neighborhood boy, Rush. CBS. 8pm.

The Partridge Family While Keith and Laurie fight over a curling iron, Danny enrolls in his first rehab program. ABC. 8pm.

Sunday, May 10
NBC Mystery Movie Public school authorities want to know why Detective Columbo is always wearing that raincoat. NBC. 9pm.

Barnaby Jones Barnaby is about to solve the mystery of the missing heiress, but first he has to solve the mystery of the missing denture cream. CBS. 10pm.

Monday, May 11
Monday Night Football Joe Namath leads the Jets against the Los Angeles Rams, offering Cosell another opportunity to confess his "manly love" for the quarterback. ABC. 6pm.

Gunsmoke Miss Kitty finally confesses to Marshal Dillon that she has been running a whorehouse and that he probably should get checked for an STD. CBS. 8pm.

The Tonight Show Don Rickles stops by with some great jokes about those crazy minorities you see everywhere these days. NBC. 11:30pm.

Tuesday, May 12
Happy Days Fonzie explains to the local authorities that the Polaskey twins "swore they were 18." ABC. 8pm.

Maude In the ultimate statement of liberation, Maude comes out as a man. CBS. 8pm.

Hawaii Five-0 McGarret saves Danno's life when his hair deflects a bullet during a shootout with arch-villain Wo-Fat's League of Sinister Asian Stereotypes. CBS. 8:30pm.

Marcus Welby MD Dr. Welby helps develop a strawberry-flavored cigarette to calm the nerves of anxious children. ABC. 10pm.

Wednesday, May 13
Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour A hilarious skit tonight has Cher dressing up as a 60-year-old woman who thinks the world wants to see her in a mini-skirt and fishnet stockings. CBS. 8pm.

Adam 12 Officers Malloy and Reed attend an informative training class on the effectiveness of racial profiling. NBC. 8pm.

Kojak When Kojak is given a box of tampered lollipops he climbs up a church steeple and has a long conversation with a squirrel who helps him solve this week's murder case. CBS. 10pm.

Thursday, May 14
The Waltons Convinced the sawmill is never going to support the family, Grandpa Walton digs out his old moonshine recipe and starts bottling hooch for Ike Godsey's store. CBS. 8pm.

Kung Fu Caine is unsure what to do when he encounters a group of cattle rustlers who are unwilling to fight in slow motion and insist on using the guns they brought with them. ABC. 9pm.

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